Veganinthecountry’s Weblog

i remember so vividly the night i stumbled across glow in the woods.  i don’t remember how far along i was but i know my belly was big and heavy.  i had been browsing my favorite photography blogs and read a tragic post about a mother whose baby had died. i clicked on a link to glow in the woods and read the ‘what is this place?’ description. i remember my mouth gaping open and reading incredulously. YUCK!  especially this part, “One of us, only half-joking, said this will be a place where us medusas can take off our hats, none minding the sight of all the snakes. Because not only can we bear the sight of each other—we crave it.” i felt repulsed reading about dead babies while my own moved inside of me. surely this was some serious BAD luck to be reading this crap. i left the site and went back to my safe blogs, shaking my head to clear it. but you know, i also remember this horrible sense of foreboding. that’s what was so scary and stomach-turning. and now,  i see the link on several of my favorite blogs and every time it feels like i’ve been slapped in the face. that is one website that i still can’t make myself read.

 tonight is just sad. before the Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day started creeping up, i’d been doing much better. of course i don’t post on the days that i feel good. i like to keep the negative theme of my blog going strong. seeing so many of my friends post loss related updates on Facebook has me feeling really depressed. like we’re all coming together for this huge, horrible cause.

i guess i’ve stayed up late enough playing depressing music on youtube and crying. i just miss Matthew. i don’t have anything fancy to say about grief or missing him. i just wish he was here so i could smell him again.